Don’t diss Lassie


To the editor,


Wow, Mr. Piper, you seem angry.  Did your dog order you to write with such vituperative?  You take a great many liberties with your maliciousness.  Metallica sang, “You label me, I label you,” so I shall label you a Dog Terrorist.  You won’t succeed in trying to jihad me into worshipping your dog.  Forcible conservation to an unwanted religion is unconstitutional.  Neither are you allowed to try to diagnose me with Super Man Sensation, whatever that is. What medical dictionary defines SMS?  Where did you get your medical degree?  Section 37-3-102 of the Montana Code Annotated makes it a crime to practice medicine without a license: “If a person who does not possess a license to practice medicine in this state under this chapter and who is not exempt from the licensing requirements of this chapter performs acts constituting the practice of medicine, the person is practicing medicine in violation of this chapter.”

I am not a Noise Bully.  I don’t like fireworks anymore than your dog does, but it happens far less often than the incessant dog barking going on.  There is like a zillion books on How To Make Your Dogs Not Be Gun Shy.  Your dog would not be afraid of it if you told him not to be.  Dogs ARE trainable.  Why is he such a wuss?  Bunnies aren’t afraid of fireworks.  Your dog sounds like he might be suffering from some kind of neurosis.  Do you take him for long walks on a leash?  Dogs are working animals and need more tangible jobs than wagging their tails or chewing on the sofa.  He needs to cowboy up.

Please explain what the term “ethical-moral world” means.  Do you live in a world without ethics or morals?  If so, I am officially afraid of you.  Please keep your lax ethics and loose morals far from me.  

My species superiority is not self-identified.  It is God ordained in the Bible; Genesis chapter 1: verses 26 and 28.

Dogs are domestic animals, not humans.  They are a predator species that must be controlled. They do not get to participate in society on an egalitarian basis.  They don’t even get to vote. 

My favorite camping spot is so far from the road, no one bothers me because they are too soft and cowardly to get there. 

And don’t be dissing Lassie!  Lassie parachuted into German-occupied Norway and kicked Nazi butt to win WWII.


GL Gray